Think on These Things
January 2000
The
bible is clear that parents have a tremendous responsibility to their children (Prov.
22:6): “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will
not depart from it.” This does
not deny the free will of the child, which is taught throughout the bible.
However, it does place a fearful burden on parents.
For, try as we might, we all have shortcomings that our children see
quite clearly. So, while we might
try our best to bring them up with all love and concern for the Lord, this will
not guarantee their being faithful for life.
On the other hand, if we ourselves are unfaithful, and we abandon the
effort to properly raise our children, the chances of their being faithful to
God drops almost to zero. Look
around in the world today and see that there is not much hope for those who were
not taught about God and His Way when they were just out of the cradle.
It is a sad situation.
We
dedicate this issue to a study of the biblical teachings on child rearing.
Effective parenting begins well before marriage with the choice of a
faithful Christian as a mate. It
continues with the faithfulness and love that must exist between husband and
wife in a Godly marriage. The
foundation for faithful children is laid through obedience to God’s laws of
marriage (e.g., Mt. 19). No greater
contempt can be shown for one’s own children than by letting petty annoyances
upset a happy home. Parents need to
establish methods by which they work through and resolve the problems that all
couples face. Parents need to show
a united front with regard to discipline, and not fight over it in front of the
children, nor use their children as weapons of retribution.
When two people put God first in their lives, the major problems are
solved already, and there is no need to fear.
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The goal of this page is to promote morality and justice in our society (Prov. 14:23).
Wanted:
loving husbands:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the
washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in
all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should
be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their
own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his
own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also {does} the
church, because we are members of His body.
For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave
to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to
Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:25-32).
Consider
these questions. If a man has the
type of love for his wife as given in the passage above ...
·
will
he ever abuse her or put her to shame in any way?
·
will
he abandon her?
·
will
he look with lust at other women?
·
will
he lord himself over her, requiring of her that which he himself is not be
willing to give to her and his family?
·
will
he mistreat anyone whom she loves, starting with his own children, but also
extending to her family?
·
will
he work hard to support his family in honest endeavors?
·
will
he spend time with her and provide her the emotional support that she needs? ...
and give her a break from the housework?
·
will
he spend time with the family and provide them the leadership and guidance that
can only come from a man?
If
you want to know what is wrong with this country and our society, you need look
no further than unloving husbands.
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Prov.
23:13: “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the
rod, he will not die.” The
“rod” here can be a very light switch.
I knew a young mother who brought one
into the church building. It
was about the size of a wet #8 noodle, and just a limber.
She never had to use it. A
finger flick to the ear or a pinch to the arm can be equally as effective.
No tissue destroyed; just enough discomfort to get their attention.
Prov.
29:15: “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way
brings shame to his mother.” It
is a very simple psychological principle: actions that are rewarded will be
repeated; actions that are punished will not.
Children are quite smart: they learn at a few weeks how to control their
parents. Children administer the
principle of rewards quite well; why can’t parents?
Eph.
6:4: “And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up
in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Do not expect the unreasonable. Put
the filled milk glasses slightly out of their reach.
Don’t give them noisy toys in church and then expect them to play with
them in silence. But this verse
also emphasizes the positive. The administration of rewards is often terribly skewed toward
the negative. We do not notice good
behavior, but bad behavior is obvious. Hence
the majority of communications with our children tend to be negative.
This verse urges us to balance chastisement with praise.
To do this we have to seek out the good behavior, which is difficult.
A good rule is that for every word of criticism there should be a word of
praise. Not easy.
Prov
22:15: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline
will remove it far from him.” I
recall the point in time (early teens) when I no longer feared punishment from
my father (e.g., his belt). I said
in my mind: “surely he is not going to spank me.”
Yet, I was still constrained by his will; I did not wish to displease
him. “Why?” I thought.
Then I realized the meaning of love.
Our maturing in God’s will is much the same — keep his commands (1
John 5:3), not because we have to, but because we want to.
Children will return love for love.
Put their well-being first in your life, God’s way will take its
course.
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“Do as I say, not as I do.”
“What use is it, my brethren,
if a man says he has faith,
Talk
is cheap. When we make demands of
our children that we do not measure up to, it is more than cheap, it is
counterproductive. They see right
through us. When we make mistakes
(and we all do), we need to humbly admit it to them, and pledge to do better in
the future. It cannot be hid.
The example that we provide, whether of humility or pride, speaks louder
than any words we can utter. Someday
your child will come to you with a confession, but not unless you are willing to
confess your shortcomings. Honesty,
with love.
A
man once complained that his daughter always went to Aunt Jane with all her
problems. Aunt Jane had been
through several husbands, and was an alcoholic.
Did she want to become like her Aunt Jane? Another man responded that he had told his son of the time
when he was young and played with matches; he burnt their house down.
“Once I told him about that, he realized that I had made mistakes of my
own, probably no worse than he could ever make.”
It is not what we have done as much as our willingness to provide an
example of humility. Aunt Jane did
not have to; the daughter knew that she would not be judgmental.
You will turn around one of these days and realize: “he’s grown up
just like me ... he’s grown up just like me.”
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