Think on These Things
April 2000
1. Wives, Be Subject to Your Own Husbands
Wives, Be Subject to Your Own Husbands
In
our last two issues we discussed family responsibilities, with a special
emphasis on the husband’s responsibility.
We will devote this issue to the responsibilities of wives in the
marriage relationship. The apostle
Paul gave a command in Eph. 5:22-24: “Wives, {be subject} to your own
husbands, as to the Lord. For the
husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He
Himself {being} the Savior of the body. But
as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives {ought to be} to their
husbands in everything.” Why did
Paul in this context emphasize the woman’s need to be in subjection and the
man’s need to love? We saw last
month that both are to love each other, and both are to subject themselves to
each other’s needs. Could it be
that men have a special problem when it comes to love, and women have a special
problem when it comes to subjection?
The
sole qualifier of wive’s subjection “in everything” is the situation in
which a husband mandates something that is contrary to the law of Christ.
It is always the case that “we must obey God rather than men”
(Acts
5:29). But in all matters of
judgment, the husband must be recognized as the final authority in the home.
This is a weighty responsibility for the husband, and the decisions made
should always be motivated out of love, as we discussed last month.
But even it they are not, the wife still has the responsibility to abide
by and make the best of those decisions. This
is not only her obligation to the husband; it is her obligation to Christ.
When a wife is disobedient to Christ in this regard she can expect not
only to be unhappy herself, but also to create disrespect for the authority of
the father within the children, causing an ultimate breakdown of the family
unit.
Back to the Contents
The goal of this page is to promote morality and justice in our society (Prov. 14:23).
A
Look Into the Future.
There was a recent review of the state of the morality and economy in
Russia on ABC’s Nightline (3/17/00). The
reporting was quite objective, and there was no political agenda.
Some of the facts presented included the following:
·
Average
wages are $70 per month; a secretary makes about $40.
·
When
the currency collapsed a few years ago, those who had money in the banks woke up
finding about 80% of it gone.
·
Prostitution
was called “the most romanticized” job for women (they seemed to know of no
moral reason not to practice it).
·
Over
850,000 more persons die than are born each year.
·
Life
expectancy for the average man is 58.
·
The
nation has over 2 million orphans.
·
People
routinely spend hours in line to get essentials, like bread.
I
am old enough to remember the night that Russia launched the first satellite (or
Sputnik) to orbit the earth. We
were surprised by this event, since we felt that the United States was far
superior to Russia technologically. At
the end of the 1950’s and throughout the next two decades our regard for this
great country grew, as we considered it a super-power comparable to us.
I am sure that the citizens of Russia did as well, thinking it could
never fall. What happened?
The
people were promised a utopian society in which all would be “equal.”
Individual incentives (and private property) were all but eliminated.
Just allow the government a little bit of time to work it all out for
everyone. Since 1917, these people
were held in bondage to their godless and ruthlessly brutal leadership.
The idea that their government would take care of all of their needs was
given a fair chance to succeed. But
now we see the results. When we
look at Russia today we see ourselves 30 years from now if we keep on believing
the lie that we can prosper without individual efforts and individual
responsibility — and without God in our society.
Back to the Contents
The
following is commanded (Eph 5:24): “But as the church is subject to Christ, so
also the wives {ought to be} to their husbands in everything.”
This goes beyond the subjection that all Christians are to have for one
another (Eph. 5:21). It is the basis for the effective organization of the family
unit. The wife is to “rule the
household” (1 Tim. 5:14) in the sense of assuming management of it and the
children. But a household cannot
have two heads anymore than any other organization can survive without an
ultimate authority.
Being
the one who has the job of ultimately resolving family issues is often not an
enviable position for the husband. Wives
need to realize this. Many feel
that they are more qualified to make these decisions.
Husbands should solicit input on all decisions, recognizing that wives
generally have certain intuitive powers that just do not exist in most men.
Wives usually have no reluctance to provide such input, and the wise
husband will give it serous consideration.
However, when the point is reached at which all such input has been
rendered, the husband must be allowed to exercise his judgment and move on.
Nothing kills this process more than second guessing.
Anyone can play Monday-morning quarterback.
While things seem so clear after the fact, no one can ever really know
what would have happened had another alternative been chosen.
The outcome could have been worse. Yet,
few tend to see it this way.
Wives,
if you want your husbands to take the initiative and make the best decisions for
you and your family, you have to stand by them and support them.
Many men get so conditioned to criticism over the years that they just
give up trying to please, or refuse to take the leadership in the family.
While this shows weakness in the man, wives share the blame and will pay
the price for it. Constant nagging
and criticism is a sure formula for a miserable existence, especially if he is
lovingly trying to do his best to take care of his family.
This is a matter of faith: your
happiness depends on being in harmony with God’s will in all things.
You might think that you can second guess God on this, but this can only
lead to a miserable relationship. Blessed
is the wife who understands God’s ways and truly helps her husband succeed.
Back to the Contents
“A woman is not fulfilled if
she does not have a career.”
but
Paul declared her primary role was (1 Tim. 5:14) ...
“to marry, to have children, to
manage their homes ...”
Let
me first state that there is nothing sinful per se for a woman to have a career,
and most all women engage in business at some form or another (please read Prov.
31:10ff, and see Acts 16:14). There
are circumstances in which this is essential.
The problem is on the emphasis — what comes first?
Generally, the role of the husband is to leave the home and be the
provider. There are times when he
must sacrifice time with the family in order to fulfill his obligations.
This can certainly be taken too far, and the dangers of worldliness
abound.
The
priorities of the wife must be different from that of the husband, especially
once children enter the picture. Her
primary responsibility is to her husband and to her children.
A red flag should go up when she starts to sacrifice these to advance her
career. Perhaps the following
questions can place these tough call in perspective:
·
What
exactly is this sacrifice of my family going to generate in cash?
Do we really need this money?
·
Am
I advancing my career for my family, or for my own ego?
·
Do
I spend more time thinking about my job than my family?
·
Have
I taken this problem to my Lord in prayer?
Each
household must work this out, and what might work for one might not be right for
another. But these arrangements
will never work without putting His kingdom and His righteousness first (Mt.
6:33).
Back to the Contents